Chapter 12: What I Know About Medication

We must realize that our minds are not what we perceive in contemplation. The mind and the brain make memories. Most people assume that meditation is a complex practice that should only be exercised by those going through challenging moments. I was also in the same category as them before realizing how powerful and influential it was. Through the trial and error process, I have learned that the most prized moments are when you journey through your mind and explore the realities of your mind. Through that journey, you can walk into the madness inside your mind, come to the present then imagine the future while still having peace of mind. Before realizing the significance of medications, I couldn't let go of all the side effects causing havoc. I could not release the problems and embrace the possible antidote concerning the present happenings to get the chemicals in my brain to balance. 

Most people assume that medications are enough to cure bipolar disorder alongside other mental challenges, but that is untrue. I can confidently affirm that medication is a powerful practice that brings peace of mind and inspires mindfulness. With conditions like insomnia and bipolar disorder, medication has proved to be a beneficial treatment. Through my experiences with mental challenges, the correct cocktail of medications has been of great help in relieving anxiety and stress, which affect people negatively. There are prescription medications that can help to ease the symptoms. Still, they are only effective if done accordingly by a medical practitioner. This is a complicated and very frustrating part, especially struggling with Bipolar Disorder for me, because it is not a condition that any currently available medications can cure. However, my medications effectively relieve many of the severe symptoms. I now feel like the medications have lessened the symptoms I had to a great extent. They are still present, but I am not as overwhelmed with fear to the time I used to be. The positive effects I find prove to me that it suppresses stressful circling thoughts that are unnecessary and helps me to focus on reality.

On the other hand, the adverse effects make me feel emotionless like my head is empty and I'm sitting in bed zoning out in the middle of things. The medications made me unsociable, unmotivated, and sleepy. Sometimes, I have difficulty carrying on a conversation. It took much energy to get myself up to go out. I look normal from the outside, but inside I feel super slow and lethargic for most of the day. It helped me quit hallucinating, and my delusions are gone. I am no longer paranoid, and my mood swings went from really high and deficient to a new, more somewhat middle ground. I still feel anxious, but I also think "empty" inside -- I don't feel fully human, almost like a robot, maybe it helped with my psychosis a bit, but it made me even more depressed because I kept gaining weight and started to think slower. I found it difficult to express myself. I'm also losing hair. During the day, I'm always hungry. At night I would sleepwalk to find food to binge. I eat while half asleep with my eyes closed, not fully awake. The medication seems to be helping the psychosis; the side effects are too much. It made my skin feel like bugs were crawling in it, and the other unbearable side effect was the clicking jaw I could not control, which worsened my anxiety. I hate having restless legs every night, but I am grateful that recovery is knocking on my door. 

As of now, the awful side effects subsided and are not so bad. Eventually, I can function and be active, staying on the medications. I can't exercise in the same measure I used to. I am unmotivated because I still feel like everything is slow, and my energy level sucks. The medications to lose weight are not much help, but when I started fasting, I felt like I had more control of my appetite, no longer sleepwalking at night to eat. Another difficulty in adequately treating DID is that alters can react differently to medication. Some medications I use to treat my bipolar disorder work more effectively with one part than another. One way I have tried to get around this is that the alter that usually takes the medication must be controlled for 30 minutes to give the medicine enough time to get into the bloodstream. Sticking to medication is difficult, especially when you have various mentally challenging conditions. I got multiple drugs from both the primary care physician and the psychiatrist. Medicine is never accessible, but I believed God had the power to heal me. I could believe in God and follow through with the prescriptions simultaneously. What kept me moving was the belief that God gave doctors the ability to treat, but the mandate to heal was His.

One of the things I have noted is the thin line between medical treatment and divine healing. The physical and spiritual connection is a reality that has manifested in my life. As much as I believe in God's healing power, I respect medical treatment's authority, which is why I have followed them as various professionals prescribe. There were moments when one felt like giving up, but when you believe in God, you are motivated to move forward and keep the faith. Some people believe in either the medical treatment or the divine healing of God only. They think they have no connection, and one is dominant. For instance, if they believe in God, they disregard medical treatment, and some will not take it as an option.

On the contrary, those who believe in medical treatment alone have no respect for divine intervention. They might not have had an encounter with God, and that explains their reluctance to spirituality. I advise them that a good balance is necessary because the supernatural is brought to the natural through understanding. It is brought to the wild through experience. They can receive divine healing online if they believe it will happen to them. They can receive divine healing online if they think it will happen to them. My personal experience has taught me that meditating on the awesomeness of God while being a patient on medical treatment is noble. This is where meditation becomes effective while still in the process of healing. You begin to see positivity from the end of the tunnel, and you reflect similar results. Meditation is spiritual, while medication is natural. A powerful combination of both is a good mix that brings out the best in you. If you are going through trying moments, strike a balance between both and notice the difference. Most often than not, you will find out that the spiritual enhances the healing of the natural. I am thrilled about the healing I have experienced and will continue to experience. I love embracing the idea that I can press in for the fullness of heaven to come to earth! I am praying to you to guide and direct me as I continue my path of healing for myself.