Reflection of Invisible Madness

2014 when I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder. I flipped out and yelled, "Oh hell no! Have you met my friends?" The doctor ignored and immediately prescribed medications and didn't explain what would happen to my body and mind. The drugs seemed to make it change overnight. I used to be relatively thin. Then I noticed my stomach started getting round, and everything looked soft. I was hungry all the time. I didn't feel like exercising because I was tired and sometimes wanted to zone out and cry. After getting the news that I had Bipolar Disorder 1 and would have to take medications for life, I lost my energy for everything. I went thru so many trials and errors on many different drugs. I went from being pretty active to sitting and laying in bed all day sleeping. At that point, mania felt better than lethargy and depression. Many times during the low periods of the depression, I didn't understand where it was coming from. Constantly asking myself why I feel lik

Perhaps, in retrospect, I shouldn't have gone back to looking at my birthday pictures and remembering about that night how perfectly normal I looked, just like everyone else. This tricked my brain into believing I was no longer sick and feeling much better. I think now is a good time for me to return to work. I was so excited, but my doctors disagreed. I reacted negatively and felt helpless because I didn't choose that I could work for myself. Wanting to go back to work. It gives me a sense of normalcy and validates that I am okay. I am on the right path to recovery. However, it is not easy to sit back and let time heal me because, during this process, I always focus on learning my triggers while stressing and overthinking other things.  Do you believe I'm constantly trying to determine a "normal" and "reasonable" thought process and reaction in any situation? Is it normal I'm continually trying to overcome how my bipolar brain naturally thinks? Do y

I educated myself on everything about bipolar. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that forms a combination of biochemical, genetic, and environmental factors that may trigger and perpetuate the brain's chemical imbalances. Bipolar disorder cannot be diagnosed physiologically by blood tests or brain scans. Diagnosis is based on symptoms, course of illness, and family history. Mental diseases run in my family. The different types of bipolar disorder are diagnosed based on the pattern and severity of manic and depressive episodes. In extreme episodes, I can be sky-high by morning, but by lunchtime, I am incredibly depressed about being suicidal. The primary course of treatment for bipolar disorder is medication. Bipolar I Disorder  with symptoms that can be so severe that it needs immediate hospital care. The symptoms of mania or depression must significantly change from normal behavior. I got diagnosed with this bipolar. Manic or mixed episodes mainly define the attacks I had, and s

The traumatic boat accident caused me to develop Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as DID, as a coping strategy and a response to severe traumatic events. This is a disorder of the mind. It is an involuntary escape from my reality by a disconnection between thoughts, identity, consciousness, and memory.  The cause of my deformed leg was an accident when I was two. I survived but was scarred for life. I was two years old when my family members were refugees escaping from Vietnam on a boat traveling to America. I was asleep in my Mother's arms when my pants got caught in the motor, and the blades cut my leg. I was bleeding profusely in the middle of the ocean at night, and I almost died. It happened like a miracle because an American ship appeared and rescued us. I was just a baby who could not communicate my pain, and I was suffering so much that it caused the splitting of my mind. This traumatic event psychologically overwhelms me driving my mind to 'split off' thi

My divine encounter with God has suspended that fear slowly and deep within me. It never occurred to me that I would be moved by the power of God and become a born-again Christian. I had seen people devote themselves and their families to serving God but was never interested neither was I moved. Being spiritual was not my thing, and I could not fathom the matters of church, God, and spirituality. By then, I was not sensitive to the issues of God, faith, and any spiritual orientation for whatever reason. The only positive thing I knew was that spiritual people were good-hearted and socially and morally upright. That was the furthest point I went, and that was all I could fathom by then. Although I have heard many cases of people backsliding on their faith, God's steadfast love and unending grace have been enough for me, and I have witnessed Him walking with me at every stage of life. However, when I met the raw power of God, my life took a different path. I encountered light and rea

Since I got these mental conditions, the experiences have never been the same again. Before I realized it, I was almost sinking into the abyss of thoughts. Some deep voices convinced me that the end of the world had come and that I would succumb to the emotional challenges that I was going through. My life has never been hard compared to that time when everything seemed to work against me. The only good thing about life at that time was family. It seemed like everything was against me apart from family, and I am eternally grateful for having them. My life was a combination of thoughts and sensations that came strange to me. I could not understand what was expected of me as a family and individual. I could not cut between being productive and effective. A storm surprised me, and I wondered how I could overcome it. I was unsure how it would end and how the whole idea would transform the situation for God. I lived in a world of wishes, and every day brought a new window of opportunity tha

God has a very definite way of preparing His people. His ways are not ours, so most people need help understanding His works. In most cases, God prepares His people through processes that look like hardships. Hardships are God's way of shaping a glorious destiny. At first, one might think they are being exposed to danger and challenges, but that is God's formula for preparation. The more responsibilities God wants to put on you, the more complex the preparation process. Hardships are God's way of molding and preparing us. We need help understanding why He used them to accomplish His, but the end justifies the means. In the Bible, every first-class character was exposed to hardships, God's perfect way of preparing. Even Jesus Christ was persecuted and humiliated, yet he was in the middle of God's plan. On the cross during his crucifixion, he asked God to remove the heavy cup from him if possible. It was painful, but it was God's will. Nothing moved God in that re

Spiritual things are easier to understand with a divine encounter. Faithful to scripture, something of the Spirit, can only be understood by those in the Spirit. In most cases, those who receive divine revelations are spiritually deep, and they know how this realm operates. To see strange things and to make explanations require understanding. Interpretation of those peculiar happenings is what people call divine revelations. I have been witnessing a series of strange things, but they have a spiritual significance. For this reason, everything happening in the physical has a spiritual background. I see bright white lights when I close my eyes in the middle of the day and whenever I try to go to sleep. It can linger and seem to appear out of nowhere. Anyway, I did ask my doctor if this is psychosis, and she said no. Whenever this happens, I would have a flashback of a memorable experience that I believe was spiritual, as if it had just happened yesterday. Reading the Book of John, there a

I have realized that every level has its standards and experiences therein. I have faced some of the most traumatic experiences that I could have thought of. I never saw them coming, nor was I prepared for them. With every venture, I realized that they come with lessons, and we need to learn from them. At first, it appeared to me like they were punishments, but I have learned with time that they are not. When you encounter God, your level of reasoning becomes different, and you stand to learn things the God way. My mental illnesses and part of the experiences that brought me down, but I thank God's Grace for raising me. My message to the world regarding enthralling experiences is that they must be strong. They will go through mountains and valleys but must believe in God. Sometimes, what we expect to happen does not, and the difference between what we want and what happens is a discrepancy. For that reason, we are brought to humiliation but never grounded. I encourage you to believ

Healing is one of the most beautiful experiences that most people desire. Everyone desires to receive total healing in every aspect of life. In one way or the other, people need healing in their lives. Whether it's a recovery from loss of health, wealth, and relationships, healing is vital. It is important to note that people feel incomplete without healing, and recovery becomes a first-hand priority. It makes them want to heal instantly and within the shortest possible time. However, that is not part of God's procedure. There are processes and terrains that God takes you through before complete healing can be enhanced. When going through the healing process, we should understand that God does not need time to prepare. He is always equipped to strengthen and confirm our recovery according to His will and purpose. We are all ordained for healing, but we must understand God's methodology and how He works. As of now, I can speak about the healing power of God that makes healin