Chapter 6: Life, Transforming, Spirituality, and Healing

Since I got these mental conditions, the experiences have never been the same again. Before I realized it, I was almost sinking into the abyss of thoughts. Some deep voices convinced me that the end of the world had come and that I would succumb to the emotional challenges that I was going through. My life has never been hard compared to that time when everything seemed to work against me. The only good thing about life at that time was family. It seemed like everything was against me apart from family, and I am eternally grateful for having them. My life was a combination of thoughts and sensations that came strange to me. I could not understand what was expected of me as a family and individual. I could not cut between being productive and effective. A storm surprised me, and I wondered how I could overcome it. I was unsure how it would end and how the whole idea would transform the situation for God. I lived in a world of wishes, and every day brought a new window of opportunity that could introduce change to me. I wished that something could happen and change my life forever. What I needed to have understood was how the change would come. I am still determining how the change will come at me gradually. I had read and heard stories of change and how people's lives had been transformed, but I was nowhere near the line. I knew. I stood the chances of transformation, but the time and methodology that change would happen needed to be clarified. 

I was made to believe that life was full of surprises, and I wished it could also surprise me. I remember my family was the most significant pillar of encouragement that never gave up on me. I could act wield at times, but they were never bothered. They never felt like my life was a burden to them. Some of them, like my husband, gave me unending support, my mother-in-law was instrumental, and my children were a source of encouragement. If there was a time, they stood with me through thick and thin, it was that period, and I'm forever grateful. I cannot imagine the path that my life would have taken without their presence. I felt it is important to encourage family and friends to be part of the transformation of their loved ones. I can only imagine how chaotic it would have turned if my family members had turned their backs on me. I would have succumbed to fear, depression, bipolar disorder, and general stress, among other emotional traumas that overwhelmed me. I felt that they played a leading role in enhancing my transformation. They were part of what became of my life after the change was manifest.

Therefore, I urge families and friends who have their loved ones facing emotional challenges to support them. They need not only material help but emotional backing as well. They are the most vulnerable members of society, and their vulnerability should be safeguarded to prevent them from possible dangers like thoughts of suicide. I can confirm that such beliefs can be nurtured if the person does not feel the support of close family members. I want people to know and understand that being bipolar is much more than mania and depression mood swings. There are other significant symptoms of the illness. Bipolar disorder can seem very random and chaotic when I explore these other symptoms. Still, once I learn the pattern of my symptoms, I can create a plan that treats the illness. Medications were used to treat my schizophrenia psychosis symptoms. Hearing voices in my head lessened. I was not seeing bright lights that were not there or had racing thoughts. 

This context takes me back to what happened after my conversation with Pastor Benihien Powell, aka Co Hien, who is ministering to me. I had an experience that I am still trying to comprehend. While talking to her, my body was heating up, and she touched my hands, exclaiming how hot my hands felt. I saw the twinkle of lights flashing at the corner of my eyes that I purposely ignored. I have little wisdom, so I was unprepared for what happened. My consciousness is not at third eye level. To describe the whole experience as it is happening is too much, and I felt very vulnerable. It's hard to tackle anything spiritual, but I learned that I don't know anything, but now I feel everything. I'm not a thought leader, but I am guided, and this may sound absurd. Still, my third eye-opening was what happened while talking to Co Hien. Whenever I felt an uncomfortable mental and physical sensation that appeared out of nowhere, it would be a smart move that I sought and contact her. I'm sure many of my successes resulted from my sessions with her. However, it didn't end after our first meeting because what happened was a reminder to pull me back into that spiritual mindset. 

My body was shaking. I felt my entire body warming up, and I got hotter and hotter. My body temperature was flaring up. I could not speak, and my mind was drawing from the perception of my third eye. Co Hien helped me understand my environment and access intuitions concerning the path I should follow. This allows me to tune into particular vibrations inside myself and others. This means that strengthening the use of the third eye not only enhances my perception but also assists me in connecting with people whose energy fits with me and helps them in some way. Therefore, I am so determined to return to work. It is my path of healing to discover how much potential I must make a difference. Still, my brain wants to navigate my desires and passion for filling any void and put it into practice to learn to love myself. I need to figure out exactly how. One day I will be pure. One day I am not. But I can spot something about me a lot quicker than before. I have more self-awareness and want to get to the point of being more spiritually grounded.

The crazy thing I have to address and put into consideration is the new medication that I am taking. I still wonder whether it had anything to do with what I'm feeling and if what I went through were caused by the medication's side effects. Oddly, what I experienced is all listed as symptoms that the drug is used to treat. I can assure you that I do not feel psychotic; I am sure some part is because of the medication. What I went through with Co Hien was phenomenal; on a deeper level, it was an affirmation. I believe I got activated. My other alter, the doctor, would like to say this. I am now questioning my reality. I have a great hunger for information, for knowledge because I want to understand everything that entails my situation. I also need answers to the many questions that I have. So, when all these fantastic experiences happened, I realized there was a deeper reason they were happening. It's time to understand if the signs I've noticed during the incidents are related to the spiritual awakening of my third eye if what is happening to my body and mind is caused by the effects of the bipolar illness, or if it is caused by being on antipsychotic medications.