Chapter 7: The Preparation Process of God

God has a very definite way of preparing His people. His ways are not ours, so most people need help understanding His works. In most cases, God prepares His people through processes that look like hardships. Hardships are God's way of shaping a glorious destiny. At first, one might think they are being exposed to danger and challenges, but that is God's formula for preparation. The more responsibilities God wants to put on you, the more complex the preparation process. Hardships are God's way of molding and preparing us. We need help understanding why He used them to accomplish His, but the end justifies the means. In the Bible, every first-class character was exposed to hardships, God's perfect way of preparing. Even Jesus Christ was persecuted and humiliated, yet he was in the middle of God's plan. On the cross during his crucifixion, he asked God to remove the heavy cup from him if possible. It was painful, but it was God's will. Nothing moved God in that request because the plan was meant to ensure that the redemption of humanity would be guaranteed guarantee.

In the same way, we are prepared through hardships, and God is aware of what is happening. I understand that God used my pain so that I could realize my purpose of inspiring hope in other people. I am made to believe the most important thing is to understand the meaning and ignore pain. Through pain, the purpose is realized and pursued by willing people. I encourage you so the end while still in the preparation stage. You will triumph, and God will justify your tribulations. 

When I look at what I have gone through, I can confirm that it is the preparation process. I am more than ever convinced that my encounters were critical in shaping my life, attitude, and ultimate destiny. This was happening so that I could help transform other people. I went back to reading all my past blogs and realized I was deeply religious, and maybe I was off when I wrote them. I think I was manic when I was writing most of the blogs. Maintaining my extreme thoughts about faith while feeling somewhat stable is challenging. I think the medication Zyprexa suppresses the bipolar symptoms because I haven't felt manic or psychotic. I was not overwhelmed with religious thoughts and feelings. My energy at this level is new to me. I sit at my desk in my room, wondering what is happening. I am so wielded out. I was also trying not to overthink this. 

I was then experiencing a little stability; it was like I had lost my third eye. I did not have all of that false religious information. My mind was not going on about past experiences. My head is not overloaded with so many things; it feels nice. I do not doubt that everything I wrote is how I felt and believed then. Whether it was real or just a function of my imagination does not matter. I have evolved, and my perspective constantly changes for the better. I am learning to differentiate what I write when I am unwell. Having BD and DID makes my case complex. When I am feeling well, people rarely hear from me. It was always a time when I was unwell. I reached out to everyone to talk my mouth off, or I will be writing like crazy about whatever was on my mind then. My psychiatrist said it was especially when I hadn't taken my medications. At times, I could suddenly have this symptom, and it was when I always couldn't stop talking to or texting with people because my racing thoughts wouldn't quiet down or let me sleep. I knew I was spending inordinate amounts of time in my bedroom writing and that, most days, I only changed out of my pajamas so I wouldn't embarrass the kids when I drove them wherever they wanted to go. I could occasionally feel guilty because I could not cook for them. I have been caught up with myself and need to change and focus on my kids more. Only I can take care of my family at home.

Following the guidance of Co Hien, I sat down with my Bible. Having completed a full reading of the Bible Book of Romans in one day, I decided to dive back into the gospels when I couldn't sleep. I meditated on God's words all night, and it still did not help me find sleep. I felt like praying for healing worked, but sometimes it failed. The simple act of praying is emotionally helpful to believers expecting a definite, positive result that I will sleep peacefully without medications. However, I had to confront their beliefs when prayer failed. I had not even slept. I decided to try taking Zyprexa to help me sleep and, at the same time, read the Bible. I had faith and believed that it worked. I asked Jesus to put me to sleep, and I must wait and see what happens throughout the day. On that note, it helps slow my mind down. I am not letting it manifest into something more severe because of what is happening now. I have insomnia, but I am not having an episode as long as I maintain myself and watch out for any bipolar symptoms. I tried to get off my medications cold turkey, and it did not work out well for me. I am not 100% stable now, so I need a little pill to keep me going.

I think the preparation process begins at the appointed time that God wants. I am aware that everything that ever happened to me was in line with the plan and will of God. Preparation is never easy; people should understand that it will end in triumph. My message to people going through hard times is that God will make their lives beautiful in the fullness of time. Upon completing the preparation process, they will look back and smile at God's mercifulness.